Seasons

 

It's finally October and it finally feels like autumn...a different season than summer and I'm so relieved. Summer is supposed to be a time of light, happy sun-shiny days. Summer is the animated sounds of children playing outside, the sound the water in a pool makes when kids jump in, the dinner time smell of things cooking on the grill and the days long with light; summer is the time when everyone heaves a big sigh of relief that the school year is over, many commitments are finished and it's time for vacation and fun.

For me and for my children, the summer of 2017 was a horrible one. It was filled with disbelief, sadness and anger. It was filled with nonsensical happenings and I think we all felt like we were stumbling in the dark, no sense of up or down. I felt rudderless and even worse than that, I felt lost. Summer was stolen from my children and me.

Somehow, summer has turned to autumn and I feel a little bit of relief. Relief that I've made it this far without doing anything stupid. Relief that in terms of the legal process of divorce, it is final. Relief because I am starting to function a little bit better, as if I'm not completely crazy. Relief that now everyone knows my new status in life and I don't have to explain anymore. Relief that the anguishing emotional distress didn't make my body sick. Relief that my friends, even the married ones, have stuck by me and have not forgotten that I still need them to care and to pray. Relief that I didn't die from my broken heart and most likely will not.

Time marches on. Seasons change. Life changes. Thank you, God for the constant presence You are in my life. Thank you for reminding me again and again, that though everything around me changes, You do not.