Musings from the Trenches: Feeling, Dealing and Healing from the Pain of Divorce

Today I decided to watch church from home. I almost never miss church. I love church. I love to be there in the presence of my church family and to feel the Holy Spirit working.  While flipping through channels waiting for my service to start, I happened upon Joel Olsteen’s church service. He was talking about a woman he had met whose husband of 20 years left her because he didn’t want to be married anymore. Here are just some of the things he said that spoke to my soul.  Quit mourning. Don’t feed the history.  Don’t miss the new things God has in store.  God closed the door on that. God put an end to things I cannot understand.  The person that left was a weed. Quit watering the weed. Quit feeding the weed.   Don’t put a question mark on something God put a period on.   A new season of joy and fulfillment is coming.   God will bring someone to feed you integrity, faith, hope and excellence.  Sometimes you n...

If you were to look down at the ring finger of my left hand you would barely see an indentation - barely any evidence that a ring was on that finger for 34 years. Today I found myself bereft. I was wrapping presents and listening to Christmas music and everything about what I was doing felt normal yet so wrong. I know I'm divorced but sometimes for seconds at a time it feels like it can't possibly be real. Even though that line is fading away on the finger symbolic of the most important covenant I ever made, the reality of this failed marriage remains imprinted forever on my heart and soul. It is a sadness I can't explain or describe. It feels like my heart is being squeezed. It is a grief that will probably never ever go away completely. During this Christmas season I have tried really hard to focus on Jesus' birth and the new life He breathed into all the earth. It has helped so I don't let my sadness carry me away. For the most part and with constant concen...

Today would have been our 32nd wedding anniversary. It's been a difficult day for me. So much reflection and remembering. On the day we were married, I put a ring on his finger and inside I had engraved the words: Bombs Away! SSM, I love you, SAM. (Pearl Harbor Day). We sang a song to each other at our wedding entitled "A Love Until the End of Time". We looked deeply into each others eyes and hearts and made a sacred promise to keep our marriage covenant forever. I remember celebrating our very first anniversary so clearly. We dressed up kind of fancy and went to a restaurant on the river in Mequon, WI and felt completely out of place and over-dressed when we got there. Since then, we have celebrated in so many different places and ways. Some years, especially the early ones, we didn't have much money to celebrate. One year, we went to NYC for the weekend. We ate at a fancy steak place, stayed at The Pierre and took a carriage ride in Central Park. We saw Les Mis ...