"The Heart Will Break But the Broken Live On" Lord Byron, part 2
My ex broke up with his girlfriend of 6 weeks because it was causing my girls so much pain and further distancing him from them. They did not want to see him and weren't sure when they would be ready to. He decided that he would do anything to get his girls back so he ended that relationship.
Because of that, I agreed to meet him that week and my stomach was in knots leading up to the evening of the "meet." I didn't know how I would react to seeing him. I wasn't sure I could keep my emotions in check. I was about to meet the man I had been with for 34 years but hadn't seen since the middle of May.
The absence of this man in my life over the past six months has been excruciating. It felt like a deep, dark chasm that was opening up larger and larger and swallowing me whole. Many times I couldn't believe we were really "done." I kept thinking something would happen to bring him back to me, but it didn't happen. Even when I found out he was dating, I was still thinking he would realize how lonely it is to date someone as compared to being with me, the person who knows his story, his personality, his likes and dislikes and basically, his best friend. Who would ever choose to leave that? Surely, he'll come to his senses. Come on now, mid-life crisis and all, come back to me and stop this nonsense.
On the night of our planned meeting, something happened inside of me. God was working that miracle I had prayed day and night for. God had calmed my heart and readied me for this meeting. He texted and was nervous, I was not. I was ready and I was calm and I was certain. I knew I would keep my emotions in check, by the grace of God, and not become a sniveling mess.
What became apparent during our meeting was that I had no more romantic feelings for this man! He had no hold on me anymore! I didn't want him back! I couldn't believe it - but it was true. My heart, though deeply bruised, was not aching like I thought it would. Instead, I was able to focus on the really big reason I was there, to help him mend the deep rift with our girls. I have said many times in this blog, I do not want the girls to proceed in life without a relationship with their father. I know they love him and I know he loves them as much as I do. This distance was killing him. He said he never in a million years thought it would be like this. He even felt as though his girls hated him. He had grossly underestimated the effect his leaving me would have on them and their relationship with him.
I have committed myself to helping him heal his relationship with our girls. I will do whatever I can do to help our girls heal their relationship with him. Their future happiness and well-being depends upon that and I want to do my very best to help and not hinder. I know the power in prayer and I now include him in those prayers.
I will forever mourn the death of our marriage and the impact it had on all of us as a close family, but I know that moving on is now possible and I am going to continue to work through the forgiveness process. I very much care for Steve and will probably always love him but I now know and am facing the fact that there were problems in our marriage I refused to see. I don't know what the future holds and I will probably go backwards and forwards during this process a million times! But......I know Who holds the future and that is not only keeping me going, it's healing me one day at a time. I am so grateful.
Because of that, I agreed to meet him that week and my stomach was in knots leading up to the evening of the "meet." I didn't know how I would react to seeing him. I wasn't sure I could keep my emotions in check. I was about to meet the man I had been with for 34 years but hadn't seen since the middle of May.
The absence of this man in my life over the past six months has been excruciating. It felt like a deep, dark chasm that was opening up larger and larger and swallowing me whole. Many times I couldn't believe we were really "done." I kept thinking something would happen to bring him back to me, but it didn't happen. Even when I found out he was dating, I was still thinking he would realize how lonely it is to date someone as compared to being with me, the person who knows his story, his personality, his likes and dislikes and basically, his best friend. Who would ever choose to leave that? Surely, he'll come to his senses. Come on now, mid-life crisis and all, come back to me and stop this nonsense.
On the night of our planned meeting, something happened inside of me. God was working that miracle I had prayed day and night for. God had calmed my heart and readied me for this meeting. He texted and was nervous, I was not. I was ready and I was calm and I was certain. I knew I would keep my emotions in check, by the grace of God, and not become a sniveling mess.
What became apparent during our meeting was that I had no more romantic feelings for this man! He had no hold on me anymore! I didn't want him back! I couldn't believe it - but it was true. My heart, though deeply bruised, was not aching like I thought it would. Instead, I was able to focus on the really big reason I was there, to help him mend the deep rift with our girls. I have said many times in this blog, I do not want the girls to proceed in life without a relationship with their father. I know they love him and I know he loves them as much as I do. This distance was killing him. He said he never in a million years thought it would be like this. He even felt as though his girls hated him. He had grossly underestimated the effect his leaving me would have on them and their relationship with him.
I have committed myself to helping him heal his relationship with our girls. I will do whatever I can do to help our girls heal their relationship with him. Their future happiness and well-being depends upon that and I want to do my very best to help and not hinder. I know the power in prayer and I now include him in those prayers.
I will forever mourn the death of our marriage and the impact it had on all of us as a close family, but I know that moving on is now possible and I am going to continue to work through the forgiveness process. I very much care for Steve and will probably always love him but I now know and am facing the fact that there were problems in our marriage I refused to see. I don't know what the future holds and I will probably go backwards and forwards during this process a million times! But......I know Who holds the future and that is not only keeping me going, it's healing me one day at a time. I am so grateful.
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