Loss #1

You know when you get a song in your head and you can't get it out? Some people say to sing it out loud and then it will shimmy right out of your head like an afterthought.

That is my rationale for the next few blog posts. I am going to catalog and dissect every loss I have undergone during the past 8 months in order to get them out of my head and put them to bed. I hope it works.

Loss #1: Companionship

I really miss living with someone. I miss yelling from one room to another, just to say "I'm home" or "Can you throw down a pair of socks?"

I miss the sounds of another person in the house, just doing normal things like flushing the toilet, the sound of the shower turning on, the sound of him singing and talking on the phone with clients.

I miss him bringing me coffee every morning he wasn't traveling. Every. Single. Morning. 

I miss coming home at the end of the day, looking so forward to seeing him and talking about our days together; the good, the bad and the boring.

I miss the sound the garage door made when I was expecting him home - and the unique sound of the car engine as it pulled in.

I miss sitting down before dinner and having a cocktail or a glass of wine and just relishing the feeling of being home, together.

I miss talking about our kids and our granddaughter.

I miss watching our favorite shows. There are still shows I can't watch because they were our shows and it doesn't seem right to watch them alone.

I miss discussing politics and what is happening in the world.

I miss sitting together in church with our arms intertwined. I miss walking out of church, hand in hand, while discussing where we would go for lunch. I miss driving in the car together, frequently with one of our hands on the other person's leg.

I miss curling up in bed next to each other and spooning. I miss that first cold feeling when getting into the sheets on a winter night only to curl up and be held while our bodies warmed the sheets.

I miss discussing what our weekend plans would be and just the overall stuff of life there is to discuss and plan for.

I miss knowing someone so well that I can tell what the silences mean and I miss being known so well that even though my words say one thing, he could tell that I meant another.

I miss sharing our dreams of future vacations and retirement plans and the overall feeling of having someone to do life with.

I miss someone to cry with when life seems too overwhelming. I miss him calming my fears when I'm worried.

I know why God made people to be in companionship with each other because it feels so lonely to live without it.

I hate living alone.